Monthly Archives: November 2011

The Five Love Languages & How to Show Them

If you’ve read any of my “monthly resolutions” posts, you know that loving everyone has been on my life to-do list. Showing, acting, speaking, living, being love. As I work on loving everyone, it’s been important to remember that not everyone loves in the same way. I’ve needed to expand my definition and thoughts on “ways to love” because, everyone loves, and likes to be loved, in different ways.

Dr. Gary Chapman found that people show love in five different ways – he calls them “love languages.” So when we are looking for ways to love other people, recognize that it’s okay when other people don’t show their love in a way we might expect. It’s equally important to identify your own love language to communicate more effectively with a certain individual how you like to be loved.

Here are the five love languages and a few ways to give love:

1. Words of Affirmation

For some people, actions actually DON’T speak louder than words – some people need to hear out loud they are loved and why. If this is your love language, you enjoy receiving genuine compliments, while insecurities might stem from a lack of encouragement or approval. Certain people want love to be shown through positive verbal reinforcement – and need to consistently hear that they are special, loved and valued.

How to show love: “I love you!”, “You’re doing awesome.”, “Thank you for being you” , “I appreciate you because ______”

2. Quality Time

Some people simply spending time doing things with the people they love. If quality time is your primary love language, you enjoy spending time with someone and doing something you both enjoy. This could be trips, dinners or just simple times sitting down and enjoying coffee together. Insecurities might stem from postponed dates, lack of undivided attention or the failure to listen.

How to love: Coffee dates, one-on-one time with someone, roadtrips with friends, shopping together, going on a walk

3. Receiving Gifts

Certain people respond to tangible ways love is shown to them – it is not necessarily a superficial or materialistic thing! If receiving gifts is your love language, you appreciate when people go out of their way to give or send you something as a present. Handwritten notes, personalized gifts or special gesture showing that you are special speaks volumes. People like to be shown they are loved, appreciated and valued through gifts often feel rejected over missed birthdays/anniversaries or the absence of everyday gestures.

How to love: Send a random present for no reason/holiday, write handwritten note, surprise someone with a gift

4. Acts of Service

Acts of services means doing things for a loved one. If this is your dominant love language, you feel loved when someone goes out of their way to make make an experience or situation, easier or better for you. Examples could be: picking someone up from the airport, making dinner, taking out the trash or taking care of something that isn’t normally your responsibility. Insecurities can stem from laziness or broken commitments. I’m sure most of us can relate to this love language in different ways – and it’s important to practice this out of genuine feeling rather than duty.

How to love: Make dinner for your friends or significant other, offer to do errands for someone, do dishes without being asked

5. Physical Touch

This means body contact – not necessarily just sex, of course. This love language encompasses all kinds of touch – hugs, kissing, holding hands, a pat on the back, etc. If this is your prime love language, you view physical touch as a way to show excitement, happiness, concern or care. Physical presence is key and insecurity often stems from destructible neglect or abuse.

How to love: Nap together, hold hands, offer to give a back massage/scratch, play with someone’s hair

We often tend to show love the way we like to be loved. Asking your friends, partner or anyone in your life how they like to be loved is important so you know how they best receive and in turn, learn how to love that person! For example, my dad often shows his love for me through acts of service. He would absolutely always go out of his way to do something for me – but doesn’t always say out loud how special I am to him. My mom, on the other hand, shows her love for me by telling me daily how important I am to her. I have friends that just love hanging out and feel special from our time together but other friends who would feel equally satisfied and loved from a random note in the mail from me. It’s really interesting for me to look at the ways people show love and want to be loved – and I want to continue asking people around me what their love language is – so I can be better as loving them individually.

What love language do you speak? I’d love to hear! I feel I’m a bit mixed – but feel loved when people go out of their way to spend time with me and also enjoy words of affirmation. Quality time + encouragement make me feel special and valued!

Enjoy your Monday, xo!


Goals for my life (from June 2010)

I’ve been writing since before I can remember! Whether it was stories, ideas, or just what happened that day, I documented everything on paper from a young age. I also like to journal down prayers, goals, plans now. I found these two powerful pieces of paper recently that reminded me how much I love writing. These two papers {ripped right from the Urban Outfitters catalogue} share life goals I wrote down last June. I was on a bus back to Ohio after  a glorious queen weekend in Chicago and randomly jotted down things I wanted to see happen in my life. Places to go, people to meet, things to change, ways to act, etc.

My favorite part of writing my goals down is that you can look back and see if I’ve accomplished them – and how far I’ve come and how much I’ve changed. Below you’ll find all the goals from that rainy bus ride – crossed out if I’ve completed them  or gotten better at the particular one. Most of them are actually goals that are continuous – still refining every day. I like to call myself a work in progress.


Live in a huge city and experience it!  {New York and now SF}

Stay present in the moment {Still working on this one!}

Stand up for what I believe in

Give to those less fortunate, look up charities {Because Justice Matters + others}

Buy something at Bloomingdales, Neiman Marcus, Barneys, Saks Fifth Avenue

Bless my parents, take a trip to Ireland with them {try to bless them daily, trip to Ireland…timing TBA}

Random acts of kindness

Write a book, compilation of memories {Does a blog count?}

Make a difference

Travel to Europe, Alaska, all over

Paint more, art projects more often

Collect jewelry and find beautiful things

Get to know someone new every day

Find my passion and make it happen {Still working on the “making it happen” part}

Constantly find inspiration

Read more

Write a ton

Be a part of something large than myself

Buy a pair of Christian Louboutins

Buy a Chanel purse

Develop a stronger and more dependent relationship with God everyday {Looking back on the last year, I’m amazed at home much more dependent and healthy my relationship with God has been}

Go to a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert {…if/when they ever go on tour again…}

Learn to actually play my guitar

Be silly and happy everyday

Spend quality time with those that I love {My absolute favorite hobby}

Work for a fashion house, magazine, brand {Marie Claire…hopefully more in the future!}

Adopt/save an animal

Sky dive

Be content with who I am

Be healthy and eat well {Been vegetarian for about a year and a half now…of course, you can be healthy without doing so!}

Challenge myself daily

Don’t take myself too seriously {Never.}

Enjoy good wine and good company {How would you define “good” wine…?}

Sketch/design something: clothes, room, etc.

Buy a dress form

Actively engage in meaningful conversations

Participate in the local community arts program / start a kids art program

Find my purpose

Take photos and save memories

Correct wrongs and apologize to those I don’t have strong relationships with anymore

Be who I am

Go on a vacation with my sisters

Fall in love

Get my hair cut into a bob

Appreciate everyone who has contributed to who I am…and tell them {This is where handwritten letters come in!}

Stop caring what others think of me

Stay organized

Sleep on the beach {Took a looooong nap on the beach in Monterrey with Mom & Dad this past summer}

Don’t stress about money. It DOESN’T matter. {Getting better – a work in progress}

Enjoy God’s amazing creation and help keep it that way

Learn to do more with my hair

Give back

Go to Africa on a mission trip

Explore! {Try to do this like every day. Or at least weekly!}

Network with professionals

Pray every day, all day.

Thursday Thankful List

>>> Good morning sunshines! Happy positive Thursday! I love when Tuesdays are better than Mondays, Wednesdays are better than Tuesdays and Thursdays are absolutely positively always better than all the three. Agree? Below you’ll find just a few things I’m thankful for this week! I can’t believe this is the 32nd Thursday Thankful List. I’ve accumulated quite a list of things, people, places, experiences I’m thankful for the past seven months and can’t wait to see what else I document in the next seven {and beyond…} As always, thanks for reading! I’m thankful for you guys who read this – who email me telling me how you felt about a post – who remind me why it is so important to step back and notice these things. Thank you, thank you, thank you! xoxo

When Tuesdays are better than Mondays
Simply being
This amazing spinach dip I found at the farmer’s market
Getting work done at The Grove
Emails from The Brave Girls Club:

Hot chocolate
Being productive
Things to look forward to!
My grandparents generosity: bought me a flight to Portland to visit next weekend!
Homemade pizza

Christmas music – ON REPEAT
Date night tonight with C & A
Embracing myself and life, right where I’m at
Skyping with my little sister….and then having her encourage me while I was sobbing. She’s so cute!
Twinkly lights

How good it feels to write down what I’m thankful for
Meeting hilarious people
Big fuzzy socks
My weekend trip to Sonoma
Not letting my weight measure my worth:

Going to see a movie in the theater – popcorn included!
Funky DIY projects
Talking to old friends when it feels like nothing has changed
The people I work with
How many different shape clouds are in the sky:

The “pop!” noise when you open champagne
Mid-day video reminders
7-11 coffee [mixing hazelnut coffee with french vanilla cap]
Caramel. anything. everything.
A good bookshelf

Sufjan’s version of Amazing Grace
Okay, everything Sufjan.
Hip Hip Gin Gin blog
Talking my dad on Facebook Chat
These wise words:

Moments to just completely laugh at myself
How nice the people at Trader Joes ALWAYS are
Answered prayers
Being, acting, doing, feeling, living JOY:

A toast to carpe diem.









Hi hi hi! How’s it going? Hopefully well. Monday was a not-so-hot day for me but Tuesday was 45874568x better. Weird how in 24 hours things can change, huh? Today’s Words for Wednesday post shares quotes and prints that describe my life and what I’m thinking, doing, feeling right now! While I usually like to share about one specific subject/topic (for example, being yourself, happiness, embracing today, positivity, peace, etc.), today’s post is just a mixed bag: a little bit of everything.

A few quotes/words of advice above are about being okay with messy hair, thinking happy thoughts, the value of naps, following your heart, unconditional love {thank you mom, dad, sisters, God!} and perseverance. All things I’m learning, accepting and embracing this morning. A few below highlight what home means to me, appreciation, checking things off my to-do list and proactively taking ownership of my own dreams and life. All things I’m thankful for. Overall, they all encompass ME today, right now. No – I’m not always bursting with butterflies and rainbows and happy thoughts. No – I’m not perfect. No – I don’t have it all together. But yes – I will wake up every morning recognizing and owning the emotions I have I have and proactively will conquer the situation or experience I am in that day.

The below quote is my absolute favorite: “Be yourself, truthfully. Accept yourself, gratefully. Value yourself, joyfully. Forgive yourself, completely. Treat yourself, generously. Balance yourself, harmoniously. Bless yourself, abundantly. Trust yourself, confidently. Love yourself, wholeheartedly. Empower yourself, immediately.” And that’s what I strive to do today – and every day. I hope you have the time today to truly take a look at what you are thinking, feeling and doing and be 100% okay and content right where you’re at. 

Always here to listen, feel free to shoot me an email {}. As always, thanks for reading! xoxo

DIY: Ring Necklace

Why buy a new necklace when you can make your own?! All you need is ribbon and rings {that you undoubtably already own!} Inspired by the lovely P.S. I Made This, I’ve been wearing this ring necklace for awhile and would LOVE to see more queens rockin’ the same neck party. Here’s how:

STEP ONE: Cut ribbon {Keep it longer rather than shorter so you can re-wear it at different lengths}

STEP TWO: Select and string big, chunky, fun, colorful and ridiculous rings on the ribbon.

STEP THREE: Tie in knot or bow at the back of your neck

STEP FOUR: Wear your bedazzled necklace with smile and confidence! You look great!

Two things to note – or maybe pretend you don’t notice: My shirt is semi see-through {sorry} and I look bald {awkward. sorry again}! Annnnd oh look, I’ve been wearing the ring necklace for a long time {with ring variations}. This picture is from last fall:

As always, thanks for reading! I’m always on the lookout for fun DIY projects so make sure to send them my way! xoxo

Live your dream.

Totally worth posting a second blog for the day! Thank you to the Holstee team for the ultimate pick-me-up. This Holstee Manifesto video seriously rocks! My favorite line: “Some opportunities only come once; seize them.” Love it, trying to live it.

Weekends begin on Thursday

>>> One thing that hasn’t changed since college is that Thursday officially kicks off the weekend and this weekend was no exception.

1-4: The lovely team at Aerie invited me to preview and shop their holiday collection and truck show! They had some really adorable and super cozy stuff right now! Also, they recently launched their Twitter account (@Aerie) so stay up-to-date by giving them a follow! Thanks again to Ellen and the rest of the Aerie ladies and gents! 5-6: Bamm.TV event (client) + a quick snapshot with some of my favorite California queens (Amy, Kaitlyn, Aim and Michelle). Super fun and great music! 7-8: A quick but much needed and relaxing trip to Sonoma County to visit Rayne. These pics show the adorable necklaces Rayne created and a fun “queen” sign I found antiquing. 9:Being touristy (per usual) in Union Square 10: Steve Madden heaven = thinking of buying an early Christmas present for myself. Normal, right? 11: Sneak peek into tomorrow’s post! 12: Mid-November and windows wide open all afternoon. Blogging with a glass of champagne at my desk! 13: Eat Live Run‘s BBQ Chickpea pizza (with asparagus added). This is the third time I’ve made it – and definitely the best! 14:Best way to stay warm and get in the holiday spirit? A huge mug of hot chocolate. 

Not pictured: the pouring rain all day Friday in SF, an evening spent window shopping, Thai lunch with Rayne, trip to the movies {The Ides of March….I’m officially on the Ryan Gosling-obsessed train}, Saturday night in watching Serendipity, an early brunch with the VP of Student Affairs Dr. Smith from my college {felt like an OU family reunion!}, quick but satisfying trip to the gym, the amount of times I’ve replayed the new Florence + the Machine album and lots and lots of laughter.

>>> What did you do this weekend?! Hope it was spectacular! Happy Monday queenies! xoxo