Embrace reliance.

I grew up in a culture where it has been encouraged to “do it yourself” and “work hard to get somewhere.” Personal growth and success have been pushed on my generation and we’ve been bred to understand that we have to do this ourselves.

Well, no offense to pop culture and mainstream media, I disagree.

While I will be the first person to tell you that hard work and diligence is key, I am also the first to say that it is okay to rely on others.

Note: this does not mean you should sit at home and wait for someone else to do something for you nor does this mean that you should allow other people to care about your dreams, passions and life more than you do.

This means that it will actually be a brilliant and wonderful realization when you come to terms with the fact that YOU WOULD NOT BE WHERE YOU ARE WITHOUT THE HELP AND SUPPORT OF OTHER PEOPLE.

I’ve been taught in eighteen years of schooling and through different work and social environments that it’s vital to be dependent on myself. And yes, it is. I’m not disagreeing with this idea but there’s a fine line here friends. We live in a world where it’s easy to surround ourselves in an illusion of self-sufficiency. In reality, our lives are so intricately tied to others.

 

Our “success” and “happiness” completely correlates on acknowledging that we need other people.

I’m looking back on the past six months of my life. I’m sitting in my room and realizing that I came into this city with three suitcases and now I live in a fully furnished apartment. Did I do this all myself? Nope. A lovely girl sold me most of her furniture, my friend let me borrow her car to drive to purchase more items, my parents flew in and helped me decorate and revamp my place, I’ve been given wall decorations, a table, a blender and so much more as a gift from another friend.

It’s not just about my apartment though.

I moved here and didn’t know a single person or have any first-hand experience on the West Coast, in the “working world” post-grad or living 3000+ miles away from every single piece of safety and security I’ve known. I would have never had the confidence to make this big life leap without the support and encouragement of my family and friends.

I would have never felt so comfortable and ready to face this brand new place without the lovely Rayne opening her home and life to me and welcoming me to California with open arms. I would have never been able to physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually cope without God’s grace and unconditional love.

If I really look back, every single situation of every single stage of life has been closely related to other people and what they have given me – both tangibly and intangibly and what they’ve done for me.

Robert A. Emmons’ book “Thanks!” reads: “I realized my interdependence with others and that I couldn’t and hadn’t lived my life on my own. It made me less egocentric. It was easier to say to myself I didn’t need to do everything for myself……[this women] teaches us that interdependence is not the same as dependence, but rather a glad sense that reliance on other nourishes a heartfelt gratefulness.” (page 131)

The author continues, “Dependence is akin to trust where reliance is embraced and it expands, rather than diminishes the self.” Wow. Reread that! I am reliant on people and situations outside of myself to help me continue learning, growing, evolving and ultimately, succeeding.

If you learn one thing from this post, I want it to be this: Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Don’t fall into the trap believing that “you have to do it all yourself” because… you can’t. I’m not saying this in an negative way , and truly, let me reiterate that it is vital to be self-motivating and hard working. BUT, it’s also okay to ask for help. It’s okay to admit that other people contribute to who you are and what you’re doing.

And it’s better than okay, it’s wonderfully, gloriously, beautiful!

I’m so thankful for the people who have made my life so much better, so much happier and so much sweeter. So the next time someone praises me or tells me “YOU DID IT! YOU’RE AWESOME!” etc., I’m going to consciously remember that so much of the beauty of life comes from pulling in from others’ influence, power and support.

Pulling in from their love.

And the love from you is the same – I’ve grown and learned so much from writing and sharing with you on this blog. This is because of the love, support and encouragement I’ve gotten from you, as a reader and from so many other inspiring, motivating and loving friends. So thank you, for contributing to me.

Much love, Andi

{Note: this article was originally posted on 8 Women Dream here}

Perks of Being a Wallflower

One of my favorite books is The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. The book documents a teenage boys [who goes by name of Charlie] through various letters he writes to an anonymous person. Charlie’s letters discuss teenage issues, such as sexuality, drug use, fitting in and standard high school awkwardness and confusion. The Perks of Being a Wallflower also explains meanings behind certain books, music and films that relate to Charlie’s life. Some of my other favorite books are mentioned in The Perks of Being a Wildflower, including  To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee and The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Films/TV shows like M*A*S*H and It’s a Wonderful Life are also mentioned. The main reason I love the book because Charlie’s narrative expresses the thought process many teenage students go through. The fact that the story takes place in Pittsburgh doesn’t hurt either! I wanted to include some of my favorite quotes from this amazing book!

“He’s my whole world.”
“Don’t ever say that about anyone again. Not even me.”

“And when she started becoming a ‘young lady,’ and no one was allowed to look at her because she thought she was fat. And how she really wasn’t fat. And how she was actually very pretty. And how different her face looked when she realized boys thought she was pretty. And how different her face looked the first time she really liked a boy who was not on a poster on her wall. And how her face looked when she realized she was in love with that boy.”

“I just wish that God or my parents or Sam or my sister or someone would just tell me what’s wrong with me. Just tell me how to be different in a way that makes sense.“

“And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn’t.”

“I think it was the first time in my life I ever felt like I looked ‘good.’ Do you know what I mean? That nice feeling when you look in the mirror, and your hair’s right for the first time in your life?“

“I used to listen to it all the time when I was little and thinking about grown-up things. I would go to my bedroom window and stare at my reflection in the glass and the trees behind it and just listen to the song for hours. I decided then that when I met someone I thought was as beautiful as the song, I should give it to that person. And I didn’t mean beautiful on the outside. I meant beautiful in all ways.”

“I am very interested and fascinated how everyone loves each other, but no one really likes each other.”

“If you listen to the song “Asleep,” and you think about those pretty weather days that make you remember things, and you think about the prettiest eyes you’ve known, and you cry, and the person holds you back, then I think you will see the photograph.”

“Things change. And friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anybody.”

“When I was driving home, I thought about the word ‘special.’ And I thought the last person who said that about me was my aunt Helen. I was very grateful to have heard it again. Because I guess we all forget sometimes. And I think everyone is special in their own way. I really do.”

“So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.”

“I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won’t tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn’t change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn’t really change the fact that you have what you have.“

Poster for the film featuring Emma Watson & Logan Lerman

“Maybe it’s good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there. Like Sam sad. Because it’s okay to feel things. And be who you are about them.”

“Please believe that things are good with me, and even when they’re not, they will be soon enough.” READ THIS BOOK (you can do it on Google here). I promise you won’t be disappointed. Happy Tuesday!